yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
