he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
