im having a threesome with these popsicles
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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