I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
