Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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