I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I have already put on my inside pants.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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