Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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