I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
