Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
