Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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