i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
