So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
