i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
