Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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