He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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