How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
