my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
