i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
