thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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