The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
