So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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