I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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