i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize