My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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