We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
