If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
