i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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