After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
