we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
