She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
