i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
