when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So vagazzling was a success
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
