so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
