Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My vagina is officially offended.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
