I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
