I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
