Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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