Kareoke will never be a sober sport
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
