Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
