Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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