You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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