its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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