wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
