If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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