I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
