Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
