then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
