woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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