I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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