those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
