did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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