You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You're a waste of cheezeits
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
