someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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