Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize