I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just cropdusted the office
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
