And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
