So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
