You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
