Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
