I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
