I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize