Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
