Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just google imaged poop.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
