Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
