i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
