Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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