Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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