can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
